What's Next..? (2006 Edition)
Rob has a list of predictions for 2006 over at AnotherStinkingBlog. He's a real ray of sunshine, isn't he? I was planning on making some predictions myself, but since Rob asked for them, we'll let him think it was his idea.
In 2006...
The last possible "Gee, that Michael Jackson is a freak, isn't he?" joke will be made (by a Zamboni driver in Winnipeg) and the topic will finally be retired from the bemused conversation repertoire of the western world.
I'll find that sock that disappeared in the laundry in 1983 (which will be odd, because I've moved three times since then).
Tim Burton will make another movie I have no interest in seeing.
Axl Rose will release his solo album "Chinese Democracy." (Just kidding about this one. He's never gonna finish that damned album.)
Paris Hilton will shut the hell up and just go away.
There will be a war someplace with lots of fighting. Stuff will be blown up.
Abba will reunite and launch a world tour with Elvis Costello. After three shows, the tour will be canceled because of disagreements about the performance line up. Abba and Costello will argue about who's on first. (I never get tired of that joke.)
Hollywood will continue to strip-mine ideas from old television shows. Next year's offerings will include...
* "Green Acres" an action-comedy with fast cars, slow combine harvesters, big guns and even bigger cows, starring Sam Elliott and Raquel Welsh.
* "My Three Sons" starring Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen and a spare Baldwin. Gilbert Gottfried will play Uncle Charlie.
* "Manimal" starring Jason Statham. This one's gonna so cool.
George W. Bush will make a rational and sensible decision based on real and verifiable facts. (Hey, I don't crush your hopes and dreams. Let me have this one.)
"A Year in the Death of Eddie Jester" will be optioned for a motion picture. Director Joss Whedon will hire me to adapt the play for the big screen.
Sales of my children's book "Marty Scribbler Was Afraid Of Books" will skyrocket, making me the next H A Rey. (Details soon on how you can do your part for this one.)
I'll make lots of money. Like LOTS. Huge amounts. Piles of money. Bags of money. Bags of mega-lotsedness. Of money. For me.
...And my final prediction for 2006... At last, after all these years, it will finally be ALL ABOUT ME!!!
(I've been waiting for this.)
In 2006...
The last possible "Gee, that Michael Jackson is a freak, isn't he?" joke will be made (by a Zamboni driver in Winnipeg) and the topic will finally be retired from the bemused conversation repertoire of the western world.
I'll find that sock that disappeared in the laundry in 1983 (which will be odd, because I've moved three times since then).
Tim Burton will make another movie I have no interest in seeing.
Axl Rose will release his solo album "Chinese Democracy." (Just kidding about this one. He's never gonna finish that damned album.)
Paris Hilton will shut the hell up and just go away.
There will be a war someplace with lots of fighting. Stuff will be blown up.
Abba will reunite and launch a world tour with Elvis Costello. After three shows, the tour will be canceled because of disagreements about the performance line up. Abba and Costello will argue about who's on first. (I never get tired of that joke.)
Hollywood will continue to strip-mine ideas from old television shows. Next year's offerings will include...
* "Green Acres" an action-comedy with fast cars, slow combine harvesters, big guns and even bigger cows, starring Sam Elliott and Raquel Welsh.
* "My Three Sons" starring Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen and a spare Baldwin. Gilbert Gottfried will play Uncle Charlie.
* "Manimal" starring Jason Statham. This one's gonna so cool.
George W. Bush will make a rational and sensible decision based on real and verifiable facts. (Hey, I don't crush your hopes and dreams. Let me have this one.)
"A Year in the Death of Eddie Jester" will be optioned for a motion picture. Director Joss Whedon will hire me to adapt the play for the big screen.
Sales of my children's book "Marty Scribbler Was Afraid Of Books" will skyrocket, making me the next H A Rey. (Details soon on how you can do your part for this one.)
I'll make lots of money. Like LOTS. Huge amounts. Piles of money. Bags of money. Bags of mega-lotsedness. Of money. For me.
...And my final prediction for 2006... At last, after all these years, it will finally be ALL ABOUT ME!!!
(I've been waiting for this.)
posted by tga | 12/24/2005 12:52:00 PM
2 Comments:
Oooo... that version of "My Three Sons" might have some legs... someone should pitch that one.
You're scary sometimes. You know that? brilliant, but scary.
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