Cabbages & Kings

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings."

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Location: Brampton, Ontario, Canada

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Hey, get your hands off my hearth!!!

One of the things we do regularly at work is residential security checks. Specifically, if you are obscenely wealth and spend a substantial amount of time not actually home, we will check your house on a regular basis to make sure no one has broken in. We'll alter the lighting and collect the mail so that there are no obvious signs that the house is unoccupied. Simple stuff, with the occasional dose of amusement. One house in particular, the owner has died and we are keeping an eye on the house until the estate is settled and the house gets sold. The other day when we picked up the latest load of junk mail, a loose, folded piece of paper was included in the bunch. Below is the message on this piece of paper, presented verbatim, syntax and punctuation intact, with the exception of the email address and phone number. I don't want to accidentally seem like I'm promoting this thing.

Will you share my dream? AND try to save with your hearth many, much life.

I' m new movie scenario and book writer. It'’s been a difficult couple of years for me .It'’s a battle every day for me. I am writing 2 true life story or movie and one life story will be a book, plus one action movie scenario .I write over the 600 pages. % 70 of project is done. For rest of project I need to make a lot of search need at least 3 translators and I need to go to 3 different places for the get real information's and add to scenarios and book. I'’m poor person not rich. I have family also. These project'’s my future our dream, big example for our community. My book will be very powerful light in the dark road.

I need your help .I don'’t want to put my all work in garbage. Yes I know there is a lot of big hearths people standing behind me for help .I did not get any help until now only I work with my hearth .I did not sleep I put a lot of hours of my life. I want to stand on my feet with your help. I want to bring something special with your help. My goal is finish these projects .I showed my works to universities also. The answers was incredible personal work with no help I need economically help I have no money for finishing I need to go a few places for search I need to use money for translator and need to but programs and one computer and camera for the projects. I need to use money for notary and lawyer fee. Etc I have nobody behind me. . But all Torontonians will help me. I Believe I'’m one of your'’ son or brother .Don'’t turn your face .Contact email call 647 XXX XXXX I can come true your place If you make donation over the 600$ your name and picture will appears on the book. I'’m asking your a few hundred dollars donation for this book and scenarios, because; May be you are teacher or businessman or a doctor but I m very sure you know life is not easy. This book will be a step to learn some part of real life a) Good example for our children'’s b) No entry for dangers person to Canada c) Save more our money helps our community d) Duty of new immigrants etc. I open my hands first God second your hearth.

Wolfs are loves foggy weather. We can clean our weather together


Wow. This guy's a writer?
He certainly has a thing for your hearth, doesn't he? A wise man once said, "Jou keep using that word. I do not think that word means what jou think it means."
There are so many fascinating factors at play in this little missive. I particularly like the incredible run-on scentence in the middle. And that bit about wolfs and foggy weather? Pure frickin' poetry.
This makes that Nigerian banking scam email look like it was written by a four year-old.
Sadly, all of that effort was wasted because our boy Melik left the note in a dead man's mailbox.
Oh, well. Maybe next sucker.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Bibliophobia - It's good for kids

OK, so maybe I've gone a little overboard with all of the books I've published on lately. I had a bit of a back-catalogue that was waiting for an outlet. Erik threatened to find me a support group to help deal with my apparent addiction to publishing. Fair enough.
My latest book is different from all the others. Style. Look. Shape. Target demographic. Purpose. All different.
I've written a children's book.
For the second year in a row, I've been invited (as an alleged local celebrity playwright - go figure) to read to some school children for Family Literacy Week (January 23-27). Last year I read "Curious George Learns The Alphabet" to a grade 1 class. I had a great time.
They told me that I could let the teacher choose a book or I could bring a book of my own choosing. The risk of saying something like that to a writer is that he may just write something.
And I did."Marty Scribbler Was Afraid Of Books" is the story of a young boy who is (you guessed it) afraid of books. When his class goes on a field trip to the library, he has to face his fears. In doing so he discovers that books aren't scary at all; they're actually kind of fun.
In many ways, this was my most challenging project as a writer, but also the most potentially rewarding. I didn't want to do just a generic funny-animal story. I wanted to somehow tie it all in to Family Literacy Week and follow the overall theme of encouraging kids to read. After I got the story itself figured out, I then had to pick up some pencils that hadn't been put to proper creative use in many years. I had to do the illustrations for the story. I experimented with all sorts of different looks and debated endlessly whether I wanted the book to be in colour or black-and-white; hard cover or paperback. I finally settled on a look that I liked, with a combination of watercolours and black ink.
I'm proud of the final result and the first copy will be donated to Esker Lake Public School when I read it to one of the classes at the end of the month.
The title of this post notwithstanding, children need books. If you have children, either your own or nieces and nephews, young cousins, street urchins that follow you around at lunchtime, whatever, please do all you can to get them reading. We were lucky with my son. He started reading at a relatively early age. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that there are billions of books in my house and the whole family enjoys reading. As a two year old, Robert would see everyone else reading books and didn't want to miss out on whatever it was everyone was doing.
Read to your kids. Read with your kids. Read in front of your kids. Whatever it takes, but get them reading.
Read "Marty Scribbler Was Afraid Of Books" to them. (Yeah, you knew that was coming.) Or read them something else. I won't mind.
Just read.

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